Dinner with a friend and indoor camping...

We had a friend over for dinner. Pork roast, potatoes & gravy, carrots, and green beans. I love a roast on Sunday. Afterward we visited and the kids played with puzzles.

Corbin set up his tent in his room and invited Ben to stay the night with him. Corbin went to bed and then Ben went in later that night. Corbin slept great, Ben made it through the night. Ben had to work the next day so he was gone before Corbin woke up. Later Ben asked Corbin if he remembered him coming in and sleeping in the tent with him and Corbin shook his head no. What we go through for our kids. What a good dad!

We are having a...

Oh yeah, by the way, we are expecting #6. We are crazy.

For our gender reveal party the kids colored on cans of silly string what color they thought the baby would be. Blue for boy. Pink for girl.

 They all thought BOY....

But... it was a GIRL!!!

How do you spray this thing?

Family Vacation to Rexburg ID

We headed to Rexburg for our family vacation.

We stopped in Farson for ice cream cones. They were huge and delicious!

Dinner at our airbnb...

We visited Emry's grave.

We walked around campus, visited the splash park, visited our old college buildings.

For dinner we went to Linda and Mark's and visited.

The next day Melanie and I went to the Rexburg temple and then we headed home. We got stopped because a horse trailer caught on fire so we stopped and walked around for a bit.

Autumn was a mermaid on the rock. :)

Fun times :)

Happy Mother's Day 2019

Happy Mothers day! 

I have the most amazing children!

One set the table beautifully.

They made the waffles together.

They all made a homemade personalized card directed by Melanie.

All for ME.

 I am so blessed!

What I love about January...

To me January is my Emry month.

I love remembering my little baby.

I look forward to being with her again.

She's our angel girl and we love her.

Emry's birthday

Yesterday was Emry's birthday!

It was a good day to reflect on Emry's life and the events that lead up to it. As I reflected on our life a year ago it brought both sadness and happiness. Sadness because we miss her. Happiness because our experiences, before and after her birth, are priceless and wonderful. Those times were hard, but they were some of the best memories and experiences our family has had (so far.)

A few honest feelings:

• My arms ache for my baby. I realize that someday I will have another child and I will love that child tremendously but my arms will always long to hold my Emry again.
  
• I have never felt the spirit more strongly than when I was with my daughter Emry. She truly was a chosen one.
• I am overjoyed at the prospect of being with Emry again- seeing her, talking with her, and hugging her!
• I know that Emry is where she should be and that the Lord has a plan of all of us.

Here are some gifts we received on Emry's birthday:

My family sent us this special box to keep our mementos of Emry in. It is beautiful! It was hand painted by a friend in my ward growing up and oh she did a beautiful job! I love it!!!

Inside was a letter, a dress and pair of socks  (just like the ones she was buried in), hanging picture holders with pictures of us with Emry, and an Emry sized super-soft blanket made by my mom.

For Christmas Evan and Patsie gave me a printed copy of the book I made about Emry. It meant a lot to me and I cried like a baby when I saw it. Thank you for that special gift!

Here is a sneak peak at some of the pages.

I made it on our Mac and it turned out so good.

Jon and Miss went out to Emry's grave and put flowers on her head stone. They were able to brush off the snow and take pictures. Thanks guys, those flowers are beautiful!

We also received cards and calls that were very thoughtful and ever so kind!

We love our Emry Anne, our little angel girl.

A Christmas Decoration

This is one of my favorite Christmas decorations. Why?

Because to me this simple tree represents the spirit of Christmas:

Giving to others.

Charity.

Kindness.

Hope.

This is how we got this sparkly decoration...

Last year, when I was pregnant with Emry, Ben, Melanie and I came home one day to find a box under our tree. We didn't open it right away but set it back under the tree. Finally our curiosity got the better of us and we opened it. Inside we found this tree and to the tree were tied several pairs of Melanie sized socks. Inside each sock was various amounts of money. We don't know who it was but that gift (and many others) meant a whole lot.

We were the recipients of much kindness that year. So many people gave us money, donated time to watch Melanie, spoke words of comfort, sent us letters, listened to our concerns. The list goes on and on.

How grateful I am to have had that year.

Melanie and Emry's Hands

Beautiful little hands...

Marriage Skills Project

I took Marriage Skills this last semester and loved the class a lot! My teacher was hilarious, very entertaining. For our final project he told us we could do anything we wanted, it just had to relate to the class/topics somehow, (it's a one credit class- very relaxed!). I decided to do this ...

It outlines the counsel method. My teacher told us of a time his family, parents and children, used the counsel method to decide if a younger brother who turned fatally ill should continue to live on life support or not. (Of course there is more to the story) They weighed the decision, prayed fervently about it and got a clear answer that he boy was to return to Heavenly Father. My teacher was 11 at the time and the experience impacted him a lot. I was touched at how the parents involved the children in the decision, what a teaching experience in so many ways. 

Anyway I connected with the story a lot because of my own similar experience with Emry Anne. I miss her, but I am sooooo incredibly glad to have gotten the chance to learn from her strong spirit. Emry taught us a lot, a lot more than I understand at this time. I am grateful for the blessing of carrying her for 8 1/2 months, being at her bedside for 13 days and holding her close for a few hours. It's amazing what a little baby can teach a person!

Autopsy results and Kind Letters...

We talked to Dr. Yoder today about Emry's autopsy results.

• He confirmed that Emry had polyspleenial. They counted 7 little spleens.
• Emry's aortic value had several extra valves that lead to random places in her body.
• She had noncompaction in her left atrium, which caused bradycardia (slow heart rate).


• The noncompaction also would have caused blood clots, and also in combination with the aortic valve concerns made it so she couldn't survive any surgery.


• Emry's arch (the reason we took her off prosticlandin) had valves that lead to random places, not the right locations.
• Some of the outlets that take blood out to the body did a loop-dee-loop and returned to her heart. Besides returning blue blood it drained into the wrong area.


• Emry had problems with her liver and kidneys, when we recieve the written autopsy report I will learn alot more.
• They did indepth genetic testing to see if heterotaxy was gentic and found out it is not a concern. Good news!

We were blessed to get the time we did with Emry Anne. She truly was a miracle. It just testifies to me that the Lord is merciful, He knows us personally. She had a special mission and her mission was all about love! If you have any questions- ask we love to talk about Emry. I don't want her to be forgotten. As Ben's aunt Gail wrote to us in a card "remember you are parents to two sweet daughters even though the world sees only one."

Card from Grandma and Grandpa Great Watkins...

Reminders of Heaven

Today I was showing Lula pictures of Emry and telling her all about her sister in heaven. I was crying and a tear was running down my face. Lula gave me a look that seemed to say "why are you crying" and wiped away the tear with her little hand. It was so gentle. It reminded me that I should be happy that we have Emry in our family. I should be happy that I got to see her eyes and could hold her. We are blessed, our angel Emry now watches over us.

How grateful I am for Lula. She is so close to heaven. I am afraid I learn more from her, than she learns from me.

A Heartfelt Thank You!

We just wanted to send a special thank you to everyone for their love and concern. We cannot convey how truly appreciative we are for all you have done for us. The many prayers, acts of service, meals, money, cards, etc have not gone unnoticed!

With all of our hearts Thank You!

We have learned that we are blessed, more than we could have ever realized. :)

We love you!

Dedication time change

Due to unforseen circumstances the graveside dedication is postponed until 3pm today. The view is still being held at 11am today.

Viewing time

Everyone that wants to come is invited to a viewing at 11:00 tomorrow. It will be held at Flamm Funeral Home (in Rexburg) the address is 61 North 1st East. Afterward we are having the graveside service and then having a luncheon at the Rexburg Stake Center.

Everyone is Welcome!

Everyone is welcome to come to a graveside service we are having for Emry Anne, this Saturday 24th Jan @ 1pm at the Rexburg Idaho Cemetery. Afterword there will be a dinner (somewhere?), we will let everyone know at the graveside service.

We are so very grateful for all the kindness, prayers, and many acts of service we have received. We feel overwhelmed at the love people have shown.

With all sincerity, thank you!

Our Angel Emry Anne

After a long hard fight Emry can finally rest. Yesterday after talking extensively to the cardiology team and neonatologists we decided to let Emry Anne return to heaven.

Today we met with our immediate family (parents and siblings) and said good-bye. They brought Emry into a family room where I was able to hold my Emry Angel for the first time! It felt right to have her in my arms. :) Many tears were shed but it was very joyous. After everyone told her of their love for her, Ben was able to hold our beautiful daughter. Then Ben and I peacefully watched our Emry Angel return to her Father in Heaven.

Yes, it was/is hard, but oh so comforting to know it was the right thing for Emry. We know that we will see her again and she will be perfect because of the atonement. What a testimony builder. We are blessed to be her parents.

Mommy and Baby Emry Anne on monday January 19th.

Emry Update...

There isn't too much new news to tell. Emry continues to be ok. They have taken her off of a medicine called prostiglandin. It was keeping the duct in her heart open. The duct in the heart naturally closes after birth, but because of possible complications that they wanted to avoid with the duct closing they put Emry on the prostiglandins. Because of the side affects of the prostiglandin they can't keep Emry on it forever. Emry has been off it since saturday the 17th. So far so good. The doctors have said that it can take anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks for the duct to close completely. Thr0ugh som ECHOs that they have done thay said that it is starting to close. It is risky because Emry could go down at any time. But this would have to happen sooner or later.

Thank you for your prayers and concern.

Tough Decisions

Our little Emry is simply adorable! We love her so very very much! She wiggles her toes a lot since being off the pain meds. She spreads her big toe apart from the others and it looks like she is just ready for someone to put flip flops on her little feet. She also likes to have a hand near her mouth. The nurse and I suspect that she liked to suck her thumb while in my tummy.

Cardiology Meeting:
Yesterday we met with the Cardiology team. We went over all of Emry's heart conditions. At present the biggest concerns are a combination of the hole in her heart and complications with her aortic value. Because of one they can't do surgury on the other and vice versa. That pretty much rules out surgery as an option.

The doctor also told us about their findings of a recent echo-cardio (ultrasound of the heart). She said the they confirmed all the other problems previously found. The aorta became more of a concern. They also weren't able to find a definate spleen (the organ that helps us all fight off infection, among other functions). They suspect that while developing the womb her body created several little spleens (probably looking like broccoli) or it could be cancer.

They are concerned about her incision where they put the pacer leads in. It is looking red and becuase of the lack of a spleen if she get an infection there will be a great need for concern.

After reviewing all of the details and asking a multitude of questions the docotrs pretty much told us the decision is ours on how long Emry will live. It was hard to hear, but we know our little lady is special. She has definately touched our lives and the lives of many others. Of course we still pray for a miracle, and we love her alot.

All of the Cardiology doctors are meeting on Wednesday to review cases and Emry will be brought up. After the meeting we will hear more on their medical opinions.

Thank you for your love and concern. We feel a tremendous amount of support and we know we are blessed!

Emry is obviously very sedated. She is very cute, of course. The picture of her head just shows how much hair she has, she has a lot more hair than Melanie did. The lady next to Marcie is Heidi, the night nurse, she is very awesome.

Things seem pretty stable, they haven't changed much from yesterday. We hope to have a meeting with the doctors on Monday to see what, if any, the plans are. We do know that there are some very tough decisions ahead of us.

Just a few facts. The nurse taught us how to touch a sick baby today. You don't stroke, it irritates them. You more or less grab or cup, like putting your whole hand around her head or arm. We have been doing it wrong all along. Melanie is not allowed to go see Emry because siblings have to be over 14? or 18? to visit and RSV season is in so there is no chance. Any healthy person over 18 can visit her as long as they are with Marcie or I. Grandparents are the exception, the can go alone.

Thanks again for your prayers and concern (that is expressed in so many different ways)

Notes...